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the day of ahimsa

by untitled noise jam

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Intrusive thoughts present an interesting problem in adhering to Jain Ahimsa, the first poem outlines the experience of having a hallucination of insects crawling on your skin. I've had these ever since I was a child but they were exacerbated substantially by living in a house with bedbugs. The violence inherent in my automatic response to such sensations, i.e. itching my skin, is three fold; it is violent to any life or potential life living on me, it is an action with an inherently violent aim, it is also violent to my own body. It shows how mentally fortified those who live the monastic must be. Engaging in a simple (violent) action in response to a sensation is precisely the sort of cycle a discipling practice like yoga aims to break. Furthermore, the notion of misguided action that leads to greater suffering is perfectly exemplified in the body's response to itching a bug bite, for example. More anti-histamines will be released and will cause one to suffer even more than if they just left it alone.

The road allows for one to talk without hurting the plants and small life that makes the ground their home. However the road's existence is violent, there was a time before any roads were paved and it's doubtful to think that, during the construction process, the small life in the environment was duly taken care of. Indeed, it was likely all killed in the process.

Yawning outside is dangerous. What if some insect flew into your mouth? it has happened to me before. But exhaustion, too, is dangerous. Not only is one's concentration not what it is when one is alert and awake, thus allowing for the possibility of accidental violence to occur, but also one's judgement is impaired. I often find myself falling asleep on the train home from school and frequently worry on my drives home about whether or not I'm awake enough to responsibly operate a car.

Travel itself is a violent thing, moving is violent. If only I could do nothing.

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released February 11, 2023

music by annie mei and her whorechestra

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untitled noise jam Denver, Colorado

never planned, always bad

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